The two week wait… this might be the hardest part of all.
I have never been so “in my own head” before. My mind is going all over the place and the level of anxiety I feel is unreal.
This is the part that all IVF women know as the 2 Week Wait. The time in-between the Embryo Transfer to the Beta test. This, along with the extremely painful Progesterone shots, is torture.
I keep going from 100% confident that I am pregnant to 100% confident that it didn’t work. My eyes fill up with tears out of nowhere. I can’t concentrate at work. I am basically a mess.
The only things getting me through the 2ww are: Decaf Pumpkin Spice Lattes & my husband.
I wish I could snap my fingers & we could be in Lubbock, waiting for the blood test results. This week is dragging on & I am over it.
Throughout this process I have been writing about how strong I feel & how God is giving me a sense of peace like never before. But I honestly don’t know what I will do if this doesn’t work. I keep preparing for the worst…in the worst way possible. Thinking about how miserable & depressed I will be.
How is it easier to prepare for the worst than it is to prepare for the best?
I read this article the other day about a woman who kissed her husband goodbye one morning & thought about what she would do if he never made it home. It talked about how “you can’t dress rehearse tragedy”. That is exactly what I am trying to do.
I am trying to decide how I will act IF this doesn’t work. We don’t even have results yet & I am already in the pit of despair.
The realistic thought process is this: It might not work. But, there is a higher chance that it will. We have 8 frozen embryos right now. That is 4 more chances.
So the next few days until we get our BFP or BFN, I am going to stand strong, pray for courage & strength, brush myself off, & be patient.
Here is a link to that article.